Hello blog! So sorry for abandoning you for a month... WHAT FOLLOWS IS BASICALLY TWO POSTS:

______POST ONE (THE GOOD ONE)______

But what a great month it's been! A lot and a little has happened, least of all The Water Plays, which had a really successful run at this year's Capital Fringe Festival, and received some rave reviews. (Look for my name amidst the glow!)

Almost all of the aforementioned month (all except the last two days) was spent with Jenna, which was pretty much uniformly fantastic in every way. We played house, housesitting at two different houses. (Yay for redundant sentences! <--- ) We saw fireworks. We went on adventures. We survived an earthquake. We went out to dinner, getting well underway at becoming Masters of the make-your-own restaurant. We stayed in a lot. We talked. We did other things a lot. We read and watched TV and she met my family and there was so much more. Not all of it was perfect sunshine and puppy-dogs, of course. Both of us had our down days. There were some moments of tension. Some darkness crept a few times. But somehow that makes it better; more real, continuously grounded

I know that pretty much all I write about on this blog is Jenna, but seriously... I have never felt this way before in my life. There's something between us that neither of us can seemingly quite put into words. Some kind of Venn Chakra or something. I feel happy and loved and in love and safe and part of a whole and a whole individual and etc etc etc.

We've now been together for a long/short/long/short three months, likely the three best of my life (I can't remember any better ones). She is my partner, peer, companion, co-conspirator, lover, confidant, and dear.

She inspires lists and verse.

------

______POST TWO (THE BAD ONE)______

...BUT YOU DON'T COME HERE FOR SUGARY MUSINGS ON LOVE AND HAPPINESS.

So here's some bitching:

I feel like being in a--no, my--band is a constant uphill fight. No. Scratch that. It's a fight fought while hanging on a sheer cliff face. Every time I think there's something to celebrate, and to enjoy, I come up against five more problems. Right now, as it has been in one guise or another for the past year or so, the problem is basically personnel: morale, schedules, personalities, morale again, general lack of commitment.

Currently I'm looking to expand pretty much every aspect of Sam Cooper & the Sleepwalkers--looking to hire new members, play a lot of shows, and generally get pretty serious about this whole music thing--but all I'm met with from my bandmates is ambivalence and problems.

I finally booked a show at Jammin Java (something I haven't been able to do in 5 years [long story]), and contacted my bandmates to ask which of the two possible dates is better for them. One said that he can't do either one, and did not initially explain why. Another said this, responding to the venue booking guy's hoped-for draw figure: "I don't know if we can realistically expect to bring out 40+ people...I think we should, in our trying-to-get-out there push, look into getting CD reviews and indie radio plays as much as live shows; SC&S is a much harder sell live than on record." I know that he's just being pragmatic. But honestly all this pragmatism is starting to really upset me. I have the privilege to play with three really cool cats--friends who are generally calm, unphased, and easy-going--but I am finding more and more that I am the only one that ever seems excited or driven about anything band-related. I just really wish that we could all pull together and act like we like playing music together, really like it, and actually get something accomplished. Together. Because nothing but negative reactions, practicality, and worse-case scenarios is starting to get pretty discouraging, especially considering what difficulties and setbacks we already face.

I look at some of the bands around me, and I envy the fact that everyone seems to want to be on stage together, want to reach some kind of success together, and work together towards those goals. I feel unsupported and hopeless.

THAT BEING SAID: I really do love the Sleepwalkers, and really do want to continue to play music with them; they're some of my best friends. I wish we could find some way to make this work better, though.

Also, I'm experiencing some serious creative blockage. I keep wanting to write, compose, or record, and when I go to do it, I find I have nothing to set down.

__________________

THE END OF BITCHING

I guess--looking over what I wrote above--that it's just one of those nights for wishing. I wish I wish I wish. I wish I wasn't alone in this bed. I wish that time would move faster. I wish time would move slower. I wish I could transmit somehow that I'm not actually as unhappy as this entry suggests.

CIAO.

(Let's close this out with something nice and positive, yeah?)

(Yeah? Yeah?)

INITIATE RANDOM POSITIVITY:

I am currently obsessed with Grant Lee Buffalo. I am often obsessed with them, they being one of my favorite bands and all, one that feels like mine. (We all have a band that we feel we possess in some way. GLB is mine.)

MORE POSITIVITY! (Jenna and me at my family's crab feast. This picture is now framed beside my bed. It makes me smile.)

CIAO AGAIN.