Neuronography 9/21: Then I don't want to be sane!

LOVE = CRAZY?

Pretty easy to believe, really.

In the most basic terms, sanity seems to be the ability to function capably within society, to know absurdity, to survive. Inherent in sanity is a pretty healthy quantity of self-interest. Love--or at least the dominant American cultural conception of love--conflicts with sane self-interest; it is supposed to be the enlightened plateau on which one cares more about another's happiness, another's well-being, than her or his own. To desire this--to be selfless--is by definition... insane.

Well, at least by the definition provided by that socialist bastion of shared knowledge, Wikipedia:

Insanity, craziness or madness is a spectrum of behaviors characterized by certain abnormal mental or behavioral patterns. Insanity may manifest as violations of societal norms, including becoming a danger to themselves and others.

(Italics added for emphasis. -Ed.)

It's only a tiny cognitive leap back from "danger to themselves" to "[caring] more about another's happiness, another's well-being, than her or his own" (yeah I just quoted myself, what are you gonna do about it?).

Here that, kids? Love is dangerous! Just ask Romeo and Juliet. Or... those other lovers who are cultural touchstones of love, passion, and bad teenaged decisions. Wait a sec, I'll remember their names...

There are millions of anecdotes and examples that support the LOVE=CRAZY theory. If you don't feel like ever reading another book, watching another movie or TV show, or listening to another song, you can just ask a random person on the street to tell you about the craziest thing she or he has ever done or the craziest she or he has ever felt. If the story doesn't involve alcohol or drugs or the like, chances are it's all about love.

I have extensive expert experience in the matter. I am crazy for my partner. Yes, I am madly in love with her.

Today (yesterday; the 20th) was our (Jenna's and mine) 5-month anniversary. This one-month-short-of-one-half-year has been mind-blowing (often literally, or as literal as that expression can get); I find myself in constant states of amazement, bafflement, sweet insanity, gratitude... the list goes on and on. In between all those words is what's for sure about the last 5 months: they have honestly been the best 5 months of my entire life.*

So how do I know LOVE=CRAZY?

Here's just the most recent example: it's getting harder and harder to part from her. It should be getting easier. We should be starting to get a little pragmatic. It is often in our individual self-interests to be apart; I have school and she has her family, with whom she wants to and should spend some quality time. But none of that (nor all the other logical arguments) matter. It's getting harder, more physically painful, more emotionally taxing, to say goodbye, to be apart.

(OUR) LOVE FLIES IN THE FACE OF LOGIC.

It's crazy.

PS. Anyone who didn't already have the "is love really real?" debate in their head and realized it doesn't matter if love is "real" or if it's "merely" chemical reactions and electric impulses-- I invite you to have that debate now.

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*A partial list of why this is true, and why all I can feel when I think, when I truly think about being with Jenna is lucky and grateful: wonderful conversations, wonderful silences, wonderful meaning-full looks between us, some seriously choice adventures already and many more planned on the horizon, the electricity generated when we touch, the fact that we're always touching, food obsessions and discoveries, a few tough pseudo-fights and tense moments (unpleasant but important), really fucking incredible and very frequent sex (there; I've finally announced it somewhere... having such a chest-swelling secret has been oh so painful!), declarations and surprises and revelations and random acts of beautiful honesty, intense connections, storytelling, dream-sharing, falling asleep and waking up together, wanting each other so badly it hurts, and and and and and and...