World Full of Okay (and Fireflies)

Lately, every time I've been convinced the World Full of Shit with which I've been so familiar for the past year(s) is about to come crashing down once again, things Look Up.

Stressors and sources of anxiety have had a way of working themselves out. Professors have proven themselves kind and understanding human beings. I am finally starting to feel smart and capable again.

I am in a flowering relationship with a person of unbelievable strength, maturity, and support, for which I know and really feel that I am incredibly fortunate, and at which I smile all the time. Jenna makes me look at the world with optimistic eyes. When we're together, I am there with her, truly, and I can feel her there with me. What's really amazing about it is that even at this fireworks/honeymoon/whatever stage, I feel like we're two individuals together, not some kind of creepy merged unit. That being said, whenever I have to say goodbye to her, I hurt.

Jenna, with you my heart rages against its moorings, and my stomach isn't full of butterflies, but fireflies, glowing with both tenderness and electricity.

RED HORSES is done and the CDs arrived the other day: 1000 units in six 20lb boxes and one 12lb box. My best album/first real album is about to be officially (self-)released. I am: ecstatic, terrified, proud, wary, hopeful, anxious, confident, sad, giddy, doubtful... etc etc etc.

This week has been one of storms, and Jacob's Ladders peaking through the clouds. Although concerned at times, I have never once been worried. The weeks ahead will be busy and exhausting. I know I will survive more than intact.

Is everything Great? No. Will everything ever be all Great? Of course not. Nor would I want it to be. What everything is is Okay. And some things are Great. And that makes me happy.